How this thing started AND STOPPED?
So, in February 2022 (oh man, one year already) I quit my day job because of… reasons. Fortunately for me, before I left I started reading this amazing book named “How to be Everything” by Emilie Wapnick, the first book ever that talked to me cover to cover. It became clear to me that finding my dream job wasn’t going to be easy. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted and if had a hint of an idea, I lacked the specific experience to apply for that job. The win with acknowledging what is your point A is that you can start thinking about point B.
I put together all my notes from the last 5 years and all the previous ideas I could remember. Keywords about interests, feelings, experiences, aspirations, amusements, identity, projects… What inspires me, what I enjoy, what I want to fix… I went back in time as far as I could.
This reminded me of things like I always wanted to have my own business. That I’ve always been idealistic and creative. That design and marketing are simply part of me, not just a CV tick box. I figured out that my aspiration as a 90’s girl was to become a Content Creator, it just wasn’t on my radar. I understood that for business models to become thoroughly fair they need to be rethought. I learned I’d like to try to redesign them.
However, this idea overwhelmed me to the point of paralysing. And paralysing. And paralysing.
…
But wait, there must be more people who want to start thoroughly fair businesses, people with different amazing talents we could match together. The conclusion? It’s time to build a community. A compilation of little but numerous contributions from passionate idealistic individuals like me.
The first thing I wanted to discuss, was the conclusion I got from my Master’s dissertation. A new marketing product where the consumer had full control regarding the advertisement he wants (yes) to be exposed to. This reflection was also going to be like a “gift” to the people who helped me as volunteers for my focus groups.
But first I needed to describe Flying Dragons, isn’t it? The first entry was kind of natural, the overlook. For the second one, I tried to describe the FD core values but I was paralysed, I couldn’t choose just a few. All of them are important, that’s kind of the point. I froze terribly.
I couldn’t understand! I finally had all the time and peace I always wanted (at least for a few months) I had the compilation of all my ideas in one project, I had a plan, I had the knowledge, the software, the experience… And I couldn’t focus. I have worked for years in my self-sabotage and this simply didn’t feel that way. There was something else, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
While I was driving crazy finding an answer and trying not to judge myself, I found different ADHD patients, psychologists, psychiatrists and teachers that absolutely described ME. It was shocking how accurate all this info was. It finally made sense how I can go from completely distracted to hyper-focusing without any regulation; why I have muscle spams all year long; and how having countless thoughts at the same time 24/7 is not common.
I started looking for help where locally, but just the diagnosis was incredibly expensive… And I just quit my job, remember? By this time I already invested in domains and courses, I did full medical checks, so an extra expense was not possible. Several tests help you determine if your suspicion is strong enough to invest in a proper diagnosis. For every test I scored 80% or more. But who cares? I’m running out of money so I have to come back to the job market.
I took the easy way and came back to the same company, just a different branch. The plan was to take only 30 hours per week in a supervisory position but, as expected, I got too invested in my job. I easily enjoy to the fullest any job that I do. I got promoted in a few months and completely forgot about my dream project.
Then something changed at work. Without more detail, it was definitely a turning point. At the end of the day, these things push you to question yourself again and look for your essence. In my case, the answer is Flying Dragons. And why did I stop with Flying Dragons if I was so happy? Oh yeah, the focus thing.
With all his test scores and info, finally, a name came up to my mind. Remember I told you in the intro that the first topical business model I designed was with my primary school chivi-classmates? Well, one of them became a psychiatrist and of course, I contacted him immediately. We kind of checked it out but it wasn’t until a few months later that I travelled home and we could finally have a proper meeting.
So, now I’m here, completely aware of how I tick and untick, ready to start from the top and make this happen. Thank you so much for your reading and I welcome you all back again.
Pame-Luis M.
